Recently I have been feeling as though this blog isn't doing what I want it to do anymore.
I can't say for sure what it is I do want it to do, but something no longer feels as harmonious with me as it once did.
Maybe it's because, since 2009 things have changed and I have changed. I feel a little sad, I also feel a little confused.
I have tried to be private, although I'm a naturally open person, and whilst I've spoken about my trials and tribulations as a parent I feel that a level of privacy is needed now as my youngest grows older, because as we know, the internet and what we write and say on it is open to one and all. Something simply doesn't quite feel right any more.
I know I have touched people with the things I've written - and that's what I wanted to do; offer a beacon of light and hope maybe to others as I foraged for my own beacons of light and hope (and believe me they have manifested).
I am doing many of the things I've dreamt of doing, but like all things, the dreams grow and expand, the directions one takes, begin to point the way forward to new directions as the journey is taken - and that's what's been happening with me.
I choose at this time to expand my art into the realms of my widest possible hopes and imaginings. I choose for it to develop down pathways I haven't yet even scoped, but I know those won't show themselves unless I show up 100% in all my possibility. And I am feeling now is the time to do this. To show up, to make the space and to allow greater things to come through.
It is hard running an artists run space, but at the same time it's been one of the best things - a dedicated space to engage and create dialogue/s in their entirety. I am lucky. And I'm so grateful, but I know it also needs nurturing to survive, like anything does, and I would like to nurture the art and all of these projects more, and each of these require time and energy. And there is still much time and energy that goes in to parenting and the side-products of this. I feel wiped often and whilst blogging does not feel a chore, I'm aware that I haven't been posting as frequently as I once did.
I realise this is also a cycle that other bloggers go through too. I need to time to withdraw, to reflect and gather my breath and a new perspective on things. Maybe things will change again, maybe I will find a new place in the cyber-sphere to write, or maybe I no longer need to write like I once did. I don't really know the answers, although answers are never static anyway - they change - and that's what it feels like right now. TIME FOR CHANGE.
I have revamped my website - you might want to take a look: www.ameliacritchlow.co.uk (and I'm still tweaking and adding currently!)
There are some additions there and you can see some of the things I've been up to that I hadn't figured out how to get up effectively on my old site.
If you find that this site goes awol temporarily it is because I am figuring out and reflecting. I tried turning it off today, but felt that I needed to explain to those of you who may still visit and read, and want to know what's happening. And thank you to each and every one of you who visited over the years, and commented, and joined my e-course (yes, whilst doing the changes I lost that part of my site too - strange or what?!), those who have emailed me personally, who I've met in person and those of you who frankly, have become friends in one way or another. You are all great :)
You can always email me and see updates on my new site, and there is always artlacuna if you wish to know what I/we are up to and you can come and visit!
Maybe I'll have a change of heart, who knows? But that remains to be seen.